Why I Spoke Out About Bullying and How Your Support Charged Me

I just had the most wonderful DM in response to an article I released recently,” I Was Bullied: How This Fueled Our Mission to Spread the Exponential Power of Recognition”: “I thought it was very brave of you to share your story. I’m thinking, “You bullied? Yeah right. What a together individual. How’s that possible?” Kids can be so cruel. My eyes were opened.”

I am so grateful for this message! This is EXACTLY why I wanted to go public about this. In fact, I think there is a part two to this message.

Bullying is a secret no one wants to talk about. 

How many of us have lived a bullying-free life? (Did I hear you shout “exactly no one”!) How many of us never had a classmate, teacher, coach, coworker, boss, neighbour, friend, romantic partner, or general public bully us? From small through to traumatic degrees, from one-offs to years of suffering others’ bad behaviour, I would hedge a guess every one of us has had a bully in our life. I’m willing to bet (since we’re putting all our chips on the table) that it was more than one.

No one is immune to bullying. CEOs. Therapists. Moms and dads. And yes, motivational speakers. We seem like it’s all systems high functioning on the outside, and sometimes that little trigger, the little scar, the manipulative jab brings back that younger self’s pain.

Sorry to be all “pop psychology” and Dr. Phil Show on you, but am I wrong?

It seems ironic that we might be in roles where so many depend on us – staff, clients, patients, coworkers, kids – yet we have this history that follows us around that no one really knows about. How are we able to stop patterns repeating themselves without acknowledging those scars of the past and deciding, “Not again on my watch.“

I suspect some of the bullies I’ve faced in my professional life were likely the targets at one time. I remember getting dressed down at every senior team meeting – aggressively or passive-aggressively – by one individual that I knew on an intuitive level (we trained therapists have emotional spidey senses like that) was the target of bullying as a kid. I’d bet the farm (I’ll have to buy one if I need to pay up) that he built up professional armour so that he would be so untouchable; at one point – consciously or unconsciously- he decided to become so unapproachable and intimidating that he would never be the target again. If people avoided or ran from him, they wouldn’t taunt him.

Too bad it made some of us not want to know him or trust or respect him. The very things he likely was craving.

Here’s the thing. I was caught in that web of worry about not poking the bear when I worked with him. His behaviour influenced mine. After all, I didn’t want to be the target of his bullying, as I had seen how he treated others. And the cycle continued. Years later, I see it so clearly. Ten years later.

So why did I go public if childhood and more recent incidents happened so long ago? And why release yet another article? (Thanks to Brian Smith on LinkedIn for asking that question in response to the first article.)

The answer is very simple. It has to do with our secret company mission.

The Surprising Truth About Our Mission

I didn’t realize how bad my past experiences of bullying were until I started dealing with more recent toxic behaviours, such as leaving nasty bosses, distancing myself from disrespectful people, and deciding what clients I refused to work with. (Ironic given the therapy training, 20 years in I/O psychology and author of 5 books that touched on this.)

I had to think about WHY I was relieved to work for myself, WHY I had such unwavering standards of behaviour with even my subcontractors, and WHY I would leave money on the table due to a client’s behaviour (to me or a member of my team or even to a member of their own team!) It is because I am DONE with bullying, sexual harassment and incivility.

“It’s not possible she could have gone through that.” I have. I have a duty of service – to every audience member and our team who supports me to get up in front of thousands a year – to do our part to leverage recognition to reduce incivility tolerance.

My recent article shares examples that are the tip of the bullying iceberg, but you know what? It’s why I have an unwavering commitment to my field of expertise – recognition – and the lifeblood of what we do here at Greatness Magnified.

You can read about Our STORY at Greatness Magnified. The story is our mission.

By sharing our expertise and creating recognition ripple effects for our clients, we happen to be able to make people more satisfied at work, retain great folks, and reveal workplace trends as a way to infiltrate the work with a call for kindness and respect. We are quietly on a mission to wrestle toxicity to the ground, giving it a one-two punch it didn’t see coming through lessons of gratitude, appreciation, and respect.

Personally, it’s a mission of flipping the script from being the underdog to an advocate.

Are you ready to be the advocate – for yourself, your team, your clients, your kids, your community? Share your story, stand up to someone, report uncivil behaviour, read up on it. What have you done, and what will you continue to do? Share below, and together, let’s stand up to bullying on a global scale, calling out one toxic behaviour at a time.

P.S. – My friends in healthcare, did you know there is an expert in anti-bullying in healthcare? You may want to access Renee Thompson of the Healthy Workforce Institute’s program. We cannot afford to lose one more healthcare professional in our workforce crisis, and frankly, we have a responsibility to them regardless.

We at Greatness Magnified take bullying and incivility very seriously and have several other posts with more ideas to help you combat both:

• Be Wary Of Unaddressed Conflict

• Believing People Want to Do Well: Searching for Hidden Greatness Even in Toxic Behaviours

• Scapegoating, Gaslighting, and Toxicity: Hidden Contributors to Our Turnover Crisis